Rules For Men by Men

• Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
• Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
• It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari c) When your date is using her teeth
• Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
• If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
• The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes
• Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
• No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)
• When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
• Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
• If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.
• Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
• If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
• Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers! d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
• Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
• When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
• If you're a guy: You will laugh a little and realize how true this is!
• If you're a woman: Laugh and roll your eyes at our stupidity!