John woke up after the annual office New Year's Eve party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding night. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Dear," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn, "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the company president, right to his face."
"He's an idiot," John said, "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply, "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!"
"I did. You're back to work on Monday."
