John said to Mary, "I'll bet you a dollar I can kiss you for five minutes on the lips without touching them."
"You're crazy," said Mary, "That's impossible. Here's my dollar that says you can't."
John pulls out a dollar and place it on the table together Mary's dollar bill. He then embraced Mary and for five minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly.
She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips."
John pushed the bills toward her and said, "So I lose."
Showing posts with label Bets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bets. Show all posts
By the Balls
An elderly woman went to the main Citibank office in downtown New York City and asked the window teller if she could speak to the bank president. Upon being asked why she needed to see him, the elderly woman said that she wished to deposit ten million dollars.
The teller then rushed back to the president and said that there was a woman who wished to deposit ten million dollars and that she wished to see the president. Naturally, he excitedly said, "Well, send her right in!"
After the elderly woman and the president had talked for some time about security and insurance and other things, she started to fill out some papers. By this time the president had become very curious as to how this plain-looking elderly woman had come across ten million dollars in cash. Not wanting to be too blunt, he asked her, "Well, did you inherit the money?"
She said, "No," and kept on writing.
"Well, did you find the money?"
She again said, "No," and kept on writing.
Frustrated, he then asked, "Well, how did you acquire the money?"
"I won it."
Still bewildered, he asked, "Did you win it in a lottery?"
She again said, "No," and kept on writing.
Still curious, he asked, "Did you win it on a slot machine?"
Once, again, she said, "No," and kept on writing.
Finally, he asked, "Well, how did you win it?"
At long last, she replied, "I won it by betting on people."
"I don't understand?"
The elderly woman then said, "Well, let me give you an example: I bet you $25,000 that by tomorrow morning at 10:00 your nuts will be square."
The president pondered the bet for a moment and then said, "OK, I'll take the bet."
The old woman, not carrying the $10 million with her, said that she would return the following morning to deposit the money and settle the bet.
Not being extremely wealthy, the president took the rest of the day off to think about how he would spend the money. As well, he would occasionally feel his balls to make sure that they were, indeed, round. After checking them about 100 times that day, he decided to check one more time before he nodded off to sleep. Content, he went to sleep with a huge grin on his face, still not knowing how he would spend the money.
Upon waking up, the president quickly grabbed his nuts only to find that they were still round. Relieved, he went to work a little early, all the time pondering the spending of his wealth-to-be.
Promptly at 10:00, the elderly woman walked in with two men. As they entered the room, one of the men silently stood against the wall. The other was obviously a lawyer, as he had a briefcase and looked very official. Quickly, the president made one more self-exam in which he found that they were still round.
As the elderly woman approached the desk with the lawyer, she queried, "Well, how did it go?"
The president replied confidently, "It went fine."
The woman responded matter-of-factly, "Well, if it wasn't $25,000, I'd take your word for it, but, seeing as it is a considerable sum of money, I'll have to verify for myself."
Blushing, the president stood up, walked to the woman, and dropped both his pants and underpants to his knees. She reached out and felt his nuts, saying, "Well, I guess you won."
At that precise moment, the man standing against the wall started banging his head violently against the wall.
The president, surprised, asked, "What's the matter with him?"
The elderly woman responded, "I bet him $100,000 that by this morning, I'd have the president of Citibank's nuts in my hand."
The teller then rushed back to the president and said that there was a woman who wished to deposit ten million dollars and that she wished to see the president. Naturally, he excitedly said, "Well, send her right in!"
After the elderly woman and the president had talked for some time about security and insurance and other things, she started to fill out some papers. By this time the president had become very curious as to how this plain-looking elderly woman had come across ten million dollars in cash. Not wanting to be too blunt, he asked her, "Well, did you inherit the money?"
She said, "No," and kept on writing.
"Well, did you find the money?"
She again said, "No," and kept on writing.
Frustrated, he then asked, "Well, how did you acquire the money?"
"I won it."
Still bewildered, he asked, "Did you win it in a lottery?"
She again said, "No," and kept on writing.
Still curious, he asked, "Did you win it on a slot machine?"
Once, again, she said, "No," and kept on writing.
Finally, he asked, "Well, how did you win it?"
At long last, she replied, "I won it by betting on people."
"I don't understand?"
The elderly woman then said, "Well, let me give you an example: I bet you $25,000 that by tomorrow morning at 10:00 your nuts will be square."
The president pondered the bet for a moment and then said, "OK, I'll take the bet."
The old woman, not carrying the $10 million with her, said that she would return the following morning to deposit the money and settle the bet.
Not being extremely wealthy, the president took the rest of the day off to think about how he would spend the money. As well, he would occasionally feel his balls to make sure that they were, indeed, round. After checking them about 100 times that day, he decided to check one more time before he nodded off to sleep. Content, he went to sleep with a huge grin on his face, still not knowing how he would spend the money.
Upon waking up, the president quickly grabbed his nuts only to find that they were still round. Relieved, he went to work a little early, all the time pondering the spending of his wealth-to-be.
Promptly at 10:00, the elderly woman walked in with two men. As they entered the room, one of the men silently stood against the wall. The other was obviously a lawyer, as he had a briefcase and looked very official. Quickly, the president made one more self-exam in which he found that they were still round.
As the elderly woman approached the desk with the lawyer, she queried, "Well, how did it go?"
The president replied confidently, "It went fine."
The woman responded matter-of-factly, "Well, if it wasn't $25,000, I'd take your word for it, but, seeing as it is a considerable sum of money, I'll have to verify for myself."
Blushing, the president stood up, walked to the woman, and dropped both his pants and underpants to his knees. She reached out and felt his nuts, saying, "Well, I guess you won."
At that precise moment, the man standing against the wall started banging his head violently against the wall.
The president, surprised, asked, "What's the matter with him?"
The elderly woman responded, "I bet him $100,000 that by this morning, I'd have the president of Citibank's nuts in my hand."
Square Balls
A little old lady went into a bank one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
He then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
She replied, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have the bank president's balls in my hand."
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
He then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
She replied, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have the bank president's balls in my hand."
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