Grandma's Advice

A long time ago my grandma and I were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.

"And remember always this thing," she said. "Be sure you marry a woman with small hands."

"How come, Grandma?" I asked her. She answered in her soft voice...

"Makes your dick look bigger."

Grandmas

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old Grandpa walked by, and one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

The old man repled, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools."

One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, the old guy dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, 'You're 87 years old!'

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old man asked, "How in the world did you guess?"

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "We were at your birthday party yesterday!"