One Heck of a Family Tree

A psychiatrist visited a mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?"

He got this reply... "Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson. But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"

Pissing in the Bar

A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, than stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place. The bar tender freaks out, "You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I'll beat the shit out of you..."

The man begins crying. "I'm sorry! Its ruining my life. I can't sleep. I do it every time I have a drink! It's worrying me to death, please don't hit me..."

The bartender takes pity. "Look, I have a brother who is a psychiatrist. Here's his card, why don't you see him?"

The man hugs the bartender, shakes his hand and leaves with a thousand thank yous...

Six months later, the man walks into the bar, and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Okay, here you go... Wait! Weren't you that guy who.."

"Yes, And I went and saw your brother. He is fantastic, I am completely cured."

"Well, that's great. This beer is on the house" So the man drinks the beer, stands on the bar, drops his trousers and pisses on the bar.

"You bastard! I thought you said you were cured!" yelled the bartender.

"I am! It doesn't bother me anymore..."

Pervert

A patient goes to a psychiatrist who gives him a Rorschach Test. The doctor shows the patient a circle with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?"

The patient replies, "Two people are having sex in the middle of the circular room."

The psychiatrist shows the patient another picture of a square with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?"

Patient answers, "Two people are having sex in the square room."

The psychiatrist shows the patient one more picture of a triangle with a dot outside it and asks, "What do you see now?"

Patient replies, "Doc, are you some kind of pervert???"