The Maid Wants A Raise

Margarita the maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was not too happy about this and said, "Margarita, times are tough. I must make do on what my husband gives me. I'm not getting a raise. Tell me three reasons why you deserve one."

"Well Senora, I iron better than you."

The wife asked, "Who said you iron better than me?"

"Your husband said so."

"I see."

Margarita continued, "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

"Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

The maid replied, "Your husband did."

"Oh."

Finally, she said, "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Aghast, the wife asked, "Did my husband say that as well?"

"No Senora, the gardener did."

She got the raise.

The New Maid

A guy dials his home number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that bitch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "Done. What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What pool?"

"The pool in the backyard?"

"Err...there is no pool in the backyard."

"Uh..... Is this 555-6969?"