A blind rich man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. He then found the radio and started calling the tower, shouting, "Help! Help!"
The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?"
The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!"
The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?"
"Because the shit is running down my back!"
Showing posts with label Blind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blind. Show all posts
Blind Skydiving Part II
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, skydiving. When asked how he accomplished it, he said that things were all done for him, "I am placed by the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?"
"I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground."
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?"
The blind man answered, "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?"
"I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground."
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?"
The blind man answered, "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Blind Man
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The owner, who also serves as the waiter also, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
The blind man senses the menu and says, "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the table and hands it to the blind man who puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner tells his wife the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting, "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know Mary worked here?"
The blind man senses the menu and says, "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the table and hands it to the blind man who puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner tells his wife the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting, "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know Mary worked here?"
Blind Golfers
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
George replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer asked, "Why can't they play at night?"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
George replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer asked, "Why can't they play at night?"
Blind Man
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says.
"Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man walks into the bathroom, and the mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts, "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?
"Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man walks into the bathroom, and the mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts, "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?
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