Top Ten Things Only Women Understand

10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN.

The Perfect Woman and The Perfect Man

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, the perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor?
.

.

.

Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep scrolling...












So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

Top Ten Things Only Women Can Understand

10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Theory and Reality

A young boy went to his father and asked, "Dad, what's the difference between theory and reality?"

"Well, son, the best way to explain this is a practical exercise. Go ask your mom if she'd sleep with a stranger a million dollars and come tell me her answer."

The boy returned and reported, "Mom said she would."

"OK," replied the father, "Now go ask your sister the same question."

The boy returned and said his sister also answered yes. He then asked, "What's this got to do with theory and reality?"

"It's simple, son. In theory, we live with millionaires. In reality, we live with a couple of sluts."

Taking a Woman to Bed

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?




At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.




At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.




At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.




At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.




At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.




At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.




At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!




At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

To Be 6 Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again,she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favori te candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed, "I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.