Falling into the Well

The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened recently. Little Johnny was called to read his.

"Papa fell in the well last week - " he began.

"Good heavens," shrieked the teacher. "Is he all right now?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Definitely

A kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely: to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

The first student raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher said, "Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy."

Another student offered, "Grass is definitely green."

The teacher replied, "If grass doesn’t get enough water it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either."

Another student raised his hand and asked the teacher, "Do farts have lumps?"

The teacher looked at him and said, "No...But that isn’t really a question you want to ask in class."

So the student continued, "Then I definitely shit my pants."

School Daze

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "

That's right!" the boy said, "But how did you know?"

"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

Boots

A teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots. The child had asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

Her trial starts next month.

The Duck with the Umbrella

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green.

However, Bobby, he class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?"

Bobby replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

Jonah and the Whale

A little girl was talking to her kindergarten teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."