A man pulled into the crowded parking lot at a big shopping center and then rolled down the car windows to make sure his pet dog would have fresh air. The dog was fully stretched out on the back seat.
Wanting to impress upon his pet that she must remain there, he walked to the curb backward, pointing a finger at the car and emphatically commanded, "Stay. Do you hear me? Stay!"
At the point, the driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde, gave him a strange look and asked, "Why don't you just put it in park?"
Showing posts with label Pets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pets. Show all posts
The Talking Dog
A man notices a sign in a pet shop window "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued he enters and asks the shopkeeper if he can see the dog.
"I believe you can talk," says the man.
"Yep," replies the dog.
"So tell me about yourself," the man continues.
"Well," says the dog, "I discovered I had this gift pretty young and approached the government. In no time at all I was being flown from place to place to eavesdrop on world leaders. Later I became tired of the travelling and took a job as an undercover security guard at an airport, where I thwarted a hijacking. I was given a huge reward and was able to retire."
Amazed by what he's heard the man asks the shopkeeper, "How much for the dog?"
"Ten bucks," comes the reply.
"But this dog is amazing" says the man. "Why so cheap?"
"He's a liar," says the pet shop owner, "He hasn't done any of those things."
"I believe you can talk," says the man.
"Yep," replies the dog.
"So tell me about yourself," the man continues.
"Well," says the dog, "I discovered I had this gift pretty young and approached the government. In no time at all I was being flown from place to place to eavesdrop on world leaders. Later I became tired of the travelling and took a job as an undercover security guard at an airport, where I thwarted a hijacking. I was given a huge reward and was able to retire."
Amazed by what he's heard the man asks the shopkeeper, "How much for the dog?"
"Ten bucks," comes the reply.
"But this dog is amazing" says the man. "Why so cheap?"
"He's a liar," says the pet shop owner, "He hasn't done any of those things."
Little Girl in Pet Shop
A cute little girl with curly hair goes into a pet shop and teetering backwards and forwards on her toes, says to the shop keeper
"Pleeth mithster thop keeper I am looking for a litoo furwy wabit."
The shop keeper wanting to be customer friendly goes down on his knees in order to be at the same level as the little girl and asks, "Wet me thee. We haw litoo bwack furwy ones, litoo bwawn furwy ones and litoo wite furwy ones, which type of litoo furwy wabit would you like?"
To which the little girl replies, "I don't fink my python gives a thit."
"Pleeth mithster thop keeper I am looking for a litoo furwy wabit."
The shop keeper wanting to be customer friendly goes down on his knees in order to be at the same level as the little girl and asks, "Wet me thee. We haw litoo bwack furwy ones, litoo bwawn furwy ones and litoo wite furwy ones, which type of litoo furwy wabit would you like?"
To which the little girl replies, "I don't fink my python gives a thit."
Smart Dogs
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One man was an engineer, the second an accountant, the third a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
The accountant said that his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good, too.
The chemist said that his dog could do better still. he called to his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive.
Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?"
The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
They all agreed that that was the most impressive of all.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
The accountant said that his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good, too.
The chemist said that his dog could do better still. he called to his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive.
Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?"
The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
They all agreed that that was the most impressive of all.
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