Showing posts with label Ugly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ugly. Show all posts
Don't Step on the Ducks
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all these and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all these and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Heaven's Ugliest Wome
Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."
So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Wham! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Wham! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.
So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys ask in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"
He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them."
She frowns and says to the first two guys, "I lied."
So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Wham! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Wham! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.
So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys ask in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"
He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them."
She frowns and says to the first two guys, "I lied."
Ugly Guy
A guy is sitting all alone at a bar when the bartender looks at him and laughs. The man shrugs it off. The bartender looks at him and laughs again. Finally the bartender went over to the man and said ,"I'm sorry but you have to be the ugliest man that I have ever seen."
The man replied, I don't think so I can get any lady that I want. The bartender looks around and sees a hot blonde sitting at the table with her huge boyfriend, and tells the ugly man that he bet $50 that he couldn't get the woman to even talk to him.
The ugly man agreed and said, "I'll even bet another $50 that I can walk straight out the door with her. The bartender accepted.
So the ugly man walked over. Incredibly the blonde suddenly jumped into his arms and they walked out the door. The bartender went over to the boyfriend and said, "Damn that sucks but what happened?"
The boyfriend replied, "I don't know. He just stood there licking his eyebrows."
The man replied, I don't think so I can get any lady that I want. The bartender looks around and sees a hot blonde sitting at the table with her huge boyfriend, and tells the ugly man that he bet $50 that he couldn't get the woman to even talk to him.
The ugly man agreed and said, "I'll even bet another $50 that I can walk straight out the door with her. The bartender accepted.
So the ugly man walked over. Incredibly the blonde suddenly jumped into his arms and they walked out the door. The bartender went over to the boyfriend and said, "Damn that sucks but what happened?"
The boyfriend replied, "I don't know. He just stood there licking his eyebrows."
The Ugliest Baby
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She complains to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man replies, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She complains to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man replies, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Custom Search