Jesus Saves

Jesus and Satan were having an argument about who was more computer savvy between the two of them. They had been going at it for days, and frankly Jesus was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally Jesus said, "That's it! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." Satan agreed. So they sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They e-mailed.

They googled.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets.

They photoshopped.

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They even twittered.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed, "That's not fair! You cheated! How come you have all your work and I don't have any?"

Jesus just shrugged and said, "JESUS SAVES!!!"

Creek Jumping

A boy was walking home from school. On the way he saw a creek. He quickly jumped in, clothes and all. When he arrived home completely soaked his dad asked, "Son what happened?"

"I jumped in that creek down the road."

"Why did you do that?"

"I dunno."

His dad was very angry and said, "If you jump in that creek again, just because, I'm gonna tan your hide - just because! Is that clear?"

"Yes dad," the boy replied.

The next day, the boy came home walking from school, and sure enough when he saw that creek, he jumped right on in. When he went home, his dad knew what had happened and asked, "Didn't I tell you not to jump in that creek again?"

"Yes dad, but Satan told me to do it!"

His dad, being a religious man, decided to give his son the benefit of the doubt and tells him, "Next time Satan tells you to do something like that, say 'Satan get thee behind me in the name of Jesus'."
"Ok dad," replied the son.

The next day after school, the boy was walking across the bridge, and... well he came home again soaked.
His dad said, "I thought I told you what to say when you came to that creek!"

"I said what you told me dad, and when I did, Satan pushed me in!"