Making it Bigger

Girl to guy: You're not Pinocchio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.

Rear Ender

I rear-ended a car yesterday. The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF! He looked up at me and said angrily, "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

That's when the fight started.

Inflatable Girlfriend

A loser-type guy hits on a gorgeous girl. Tired of having a guy hit on her, she replies, "Look... I'm sorry, but I'm just not your type. I'm not inflatable."

Annoying Boy On Bus

A little kid gets on a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the kid, who continues. "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells back at the kid, "What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid grins and yells back, "I would be a bus driver!"