Curriculum Vitae

1. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

3. After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

6. I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a shoe factory. I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

11. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So, then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

15. SO, I FINALLY TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!