God Takes a Vacation

God is feeling tired and worn out. So he asks St. Peter, "I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"

St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year."

God shakes His head before saying, "No. Too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back."

St. Peter reflects. "Well, how about Mercury?"

"No way!" God mutters, "It's way too hot for me there!"

"I've got it," St. Peter says, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"

Chuckling, God remarks, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

Einstein and God

Einstein climbs Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."

God is watching the apples.

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take ONE only God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Face of God

A kindergarten teacher was observing her class while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was...

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, the gir replied, "They will in a minute."