Customer Complaints

A man boarded a plane with six kids. After they got settled in their seats a lady sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.

Condoms in Aisle 12

A guy goes to a super market and goes to aisle 12 and asks for a box of condoms.

The lady asks, "what size?"

The guy says "I don't know."

So the lady asks him to pull down his pants. She tugs a few times and says "You need a box of large condoms."

A guy behind him decides to asks for a box of condoms, too. So the lady asks again, "What size?"

The guy replies, "I don't know." So the lady asks him to pull down his pants and tugs a few time and says, "Get a box of medium condoms."

A teenager in aisle 11 sees the lady in action and decides he wants in. So he goes to aisle 12 and asks "Can I have a box of condoms?"

The lady asks again, "What size?"

The teenager answers, "I don't know."

So the lady asks him to pull down his pants. When he does, she tugs a few times, stands up and announces, "Clean up in aisle 12."

Oh No You’re Not

"First," said the playboy, "I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose."

“Oh no you're not," said the girl.

"Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks."

Oh no you're not."

"Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks."

"Oh no you're not."

"Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you."

"Oh no you're not."

"And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy.

"Oh yes you are!" said the girl.

A Tight Miniskirt

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was 22, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate, because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day, the 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is ... always keep your condoms in your car.