Sister Margaret

Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called St. Peter and said, "This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!"

She explained the situation, and St. Peter said he'd get right on it. The next day she didn't hear from St. Peter so she called him again, and begged, "Please set this error straight before tomorrow."

"There's an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone *must* attend!"

"Of course, Sister," he said, "I'll get you out of there right away."

Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning St. Peter received another phone call from hell.

It is Sister Margaret. "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"

Doctors at St. Peter's Gate

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at St. Peter's Gate. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of kids." St. Peter lets him enter.

The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to go ahead.

The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care."

St. Peter replies, "You may enter, but..." he adds, "You can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."

Three Men, A Fridge, and St. Peter

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies, "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I entered my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the
balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground!By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but he wouldn't fall off. So I went back inside, grabbed a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell - but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but otherwise okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said St. Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. This morning I slipped and I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, but then he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I thought I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, St. Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."