Twins

A census taker in a rural area came upon a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're nineteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're thirteen."

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"

She answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin'."

The Rich Guy and the Hillbilly

A rich guy was talking to a hillbilly about the presents they got their wives. The rich guy says he got his wife a diamond ring and a Rolls Royce. The hillbilly asks why

The rich guy says it is so that she doesn't like the diamond ring she can take it back.
The rich guy then asks the the hillbilly what he got his wife.

The hillbilly says he got his wife a pair of flip-flops and a dildo. The rich guy asks why.

The hillbilly says that is in case his wife doesn't like the flip-flops she can go fuck herself.