Early one morning, a mother tried to wake up her son, "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"One, you're 53 years old. Two, you're the Principal!"
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Past Tense
While reviewing future, past and present tenses with her ninth-grade English class, a teacher posed the question, " 'I am beautiful' is what tense?"
One student raised her hand, "Past tense."
One student raised her hand, "Past tense."
Student Report Cards
These are real comments made by teachers on their student report cards -
1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead
1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead
Sleeping Kate
Joey and Kate are sitting in school. Kate is sleeping when the teacher asks her, "Who created Heaven?"
Joey sees Kate sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. "Jesus Christ almighty!" exclaimed Kate.
"Correct."
Kate returns to her sleep. A few moments later the teacher asks Kate again, "Who created Earth?"
Joey pokes Kate again with a sharp pencil, forcing her to exclaim, "Jesus Christ almighty!"
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
Kate goes back to sleep again. A few moments again, the teacher asks Kate, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Once again Joey pokes her with his sharp pencil. This time, Kate screams, "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
Joey sees Kate sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. "Jesus Christ almighty!" exclaimed Kate.
"Correct."
Kate returns to her sleep. A few moments later the teacher asks Kate again, "Who created Earth?"
Joey pokes Kate again with a sharp pencil, forcing her to exclaim, "Jesus Christ almighty!"
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
Kate goes back to sleep again. A few moments again, the teacher asks Kate, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Once again Joey pokes her with his sharp pencil. This time, Kate screams, "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
Lipstick at School
A private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
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